A fireside chat with Marysol James

In our latest HRHuddle One to One, we were joined by the incredible Marysol James, bestselling author, global speaker and advocate for protecting organisations’ most valuable asset: high-performing female leaders.

Marysol’s mission is both powerful and deeply personal: to stop the silent sabotage caused by narcissistic abuse before it erodes productivity, loyalty and leadership continuity.

 

From lived experience to powerful purpose

Marysol shared her story with raw honesty. After surviving six years of domestic abuse, she walked away “completely shattered,” forced to rebuild her life and identity. Out of that experience came a new purpose, to speak openly about abuse and support others through it.

What stood out most was her reminder that abuse doesn’t always leave bruises. Many victims of narcissistic or emotional abuse are successful, educated women, the very people you’d least expect. As Marysol put it,

“It’s not about weakness. It’s about power and control.”

 

What this looks like at work

At work, abuse doesn’t always show up in obvious ways. Marysol calls the early indicators “micro-patterns”, small, gradual shifts that can easily be misread as stress or burnout.

You might notice someone:

• Turning down opportunities or avoiding travel.
• Showing anxiety or distraction around payday.
• Losing confidence, energy or ambition over time.

Individually, these seem minor. Together, they can reveal something much deeper.

 

How HR can make a difference

Marysol believes HR teams play a crucial role in recognising and responding to these situations, but only if they have the awareness, tools and confidence to act.

Here are her top tips for creating safer, more supportive workplaces:

1. Learn to spot “micro-patterns”
   Track gradual behavioural or performance changes rather than single incidents, they often tell the real story.
2. Remember that not all abuse is visible
   Emotional, psychological and financial abuse can be more destructive than physical violence, even if there are no outward signs.
3. Set up a no-questions-asked emergency fund
   A confidential financial safety net could help someone leave an unsafe situation without delay.
4. Introduce a domestic abuse policy
   With fewer than 5% of UK companies having one, even a simple policy signals care and responsibility.
5. Train HR and line managers to talk safely
   Knowing how to approach sensitive situations can make all the difference. Training helps avoid judgement and unintended harm.
6. Offer confidential external support
   Partnering with an independent expert ensures employees can access safe, impartial help when they need it most.

“When companies stay silent, they’re not neutral,” Marysol reminded us. “They’re empowering the abuser.”

 

Understanding narcissistic abuse

Marysol also unpacked the cycle that defines narcissistic abuse, a repeating pattern of love-bombing, devaluation and re-hooking that traps victims in confusion and dependency.

Her advice to anyone supporting others: watch for relationships that move too quickly, feel overwhelmingly intense, or turn volatile when boundaries are set.

“Real intimacy takes time,” she said. “Intensity isn’t the same as connection.”

 

Building safer cultures

Through her consultancy and workshops, Marysol helps HR and leadership teams develop practical frameworks for prevention and support, from policy design to one-to-one coaching. Her work shows that with awareness and empathy, workplaces can become genuine lifelines.

Watch the full HR Huddle One to One conversation: Recognising Narcissistic Abuse in the Workplace – with Marysol James

 

About The HRHuddle

The HRHuddle brings together talented HR professionals from across the East Midlands to learn, discuss and debate the latest thinking and techniques within HR.

We host regular virtual and live events with guest speakers who share their expertise on key HR topics.

To join the HRHuddle, contact Eloise at [email protected], or sign up to our mailing list to hear about future events.

 

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